For the longest time, Nintendo was known to video gamers everywhere as a company that made video games. Lately, however, Nintendo has been focusing on winning the hearts of grandmothers by creating what has come to be known as “not-games.” These “not-games” look an awful lot like actual video games–they can be found at stores that sell regular video games (such as Venture or Montgomery Ward) and they come on the same types of discs and game tapes (when referring to the Nintendo NDS titles). Despite appearances, though, these aren’t even games at all!
“Not-games” don’t let you do things like shoot people, drive cars, punch mice, have lasers, or shoot cars. Instead, they make you do things like math, cooking, laundry, subtraction, babysit, or Su-do-ku. These are things that you have to do in real life. Why would you want to do them on your Wii system? Nintendo has been pushing these “not-games” for a while now, but it looks like its indifference to the real video gamer has finally taken its toll.
Enter We’re Fit, the latest “not-game” from Shigeru Miyamoto, president of Nintendo and creator of Radar Scope and Devil World. This game actually forces you to exercise, which is completely crazy. If I wanted to exercise, I’d go outside. Doesn’t Nintendo realize that everyone’s Wii-motes are caked in Cheet-os dust? Give us wrestling zombies; not some workout dude telling us to do push-ups! The package even includes a special exercise board to hooks up to your Wii-mote so that you can exercise better, but that is obviously a cheap gimmick to try and confuse the consumer, just like Robby the Robot for the NES Entertainment System.
It would seem that the Video Game Fink isn’t the only person whot would rather be electronically entertained by his Wii than do yoga with it. I decided to do a little test, so I called up several stores to see if they even bothered to carry this “not-game.” At each store, I would ask them if they had any copies of We’re Fit, and every single time the answer was “no.”
Do you realize what this means? Retailers are so sure that gamers don’t want to play We’re FIt that they’re not even bothering to stock it! All of these stores must have lost a ton of money after buying all of Nintendo’s “not-games” only to watch them sit on the shelves. Well, this was the last straw, Nintendo! Both the customers and the retailers have wised up to your tricks, so it’s pretty unlikely that you’ll ever sell another “not-game” like this. it looks like you should have “exercised” better judgment when deciding to create a casual market. I doubt that it will “work out” in the end. “Pilates.”